In the final months of my mother-in-law’s life, my grief work showed up through poetry. While I have always enjoyed writing, I had never fancied myself a poet. But, unexpectedly, as I tried to process the experience of the decline and death of a loved one through terminal illness, phrases and images emerged (for example: No Return Policy and Grief Work (Still)).
Three years earlier, when two lovely women from the congregation I was pastoring showed up in my office, asking if I would meet regularly with them as they navigated the journey of long-term care for their spouses, I had no idea what a gift I was being given. Moreover, I remember the sinking feeling that washed over me as they left that sunny summer afternoon. How will I do this? What do I possibly have to offer?
Yes, with any new job there is a learning curve. And yes, all of us are forced to reckon with imposter syndrome at some time or another, but there was something particularly unsettling about taking up the mantle of journeying with.
There are so many reasons I am incredibly grateful for the sacred honor it was to accompany these families as they embraced the role of caregiver. While it was stretching and at times devastating, there is something very holy about unblinkingly bearing witness.
At the time, I knew I was learning and being equipped, but I had no idea how soon our own family would need to access the resources and lean on the insights I had gained through my experience of pastoring caregivers.
And so it is from personal experience and from accompanying multiple families through the transitions and challenges of caregiving and loss that I offer the specialized pastoral care of caregiver coaching.
This service provides a safe and confidential space for individuals to process their own grief and needs as it relates to the experience of caregiving. While many of us have wonderful support systems of family, friends and church communities surrounding us, the reality is that most caregiving journeys are long-term and it is difficult for the necessary levels of support to be sustained at such a high level.
As I explained to my friend the other week, when you are in circumstances of full-time caregiving, supporting an aging parent or navigating a terminal diagnosis for a loved one, you have limited energy. It can be hard to take care of yourself let alone take an interest in your friends and nurture those relationships. Yet, this is the time when you most need people who know you well to show up for you.
Caregiver coaching is a dedicated time for the caregiver to name the challenges that they are facing and receive wise counsel, supportive care and nurture for their own well-being. Together we come up with strategies and solutions for navigating what often is an ever-changing set of circumstances and needs. Having a compassionate listener who can ask good questions, help to generate options and expand creative thinking, and guide difficult conversations equips and encourages the caregiver and nurtures sustainability.
Whether a one-time consultation, a monthly check-in or a short series of regular connections to work through a particular situation or crisis, caregiver coaching is a helpful resource. And a session (or series of sessions) of caregiver coaching would also be a thoughtful gift to give a friend or loved one who is facing a challenging season. (Message me to work out the details!).
Or perhaps you or someone you know needs this blessing…
A Blessing for when you are living a nightmare
When anxiety crouches at your feet
When the monster of what if sits on you chest
May you stay present to what is, not catastrophizing
When you are holding on to the end of your rope
When you cannot see a path forward, a way through
May you refuse to assign meaning or outcomes in the messy middle
When you feel the heat and destruction of the raging wildfire
When you are drowning in the crash of the tsunami surge
When you are toppled by the violent winds of the hurricane
May find your anchor and hold tightly
In the heartbreaking pain of separation and loss and grief and death (after death and death)
May you close your eyes and receive the gift of rest
In the failure, disappointment, misunderstanding and closed doors
May hope slip between, a hedge of protection around your heart
In the loneliness and isolation
May you have comfort
In the midst of the devastating and extraordinary
May you have the strength to do the ordinary and daily
As you crawl through the now to the next...
May peace encircle you
And may you be held by the arms that are able to hold what you cannot