“What would it look like to nurture compassion for your dad?” I cautiously asked. “What would it take to change your perspective and respond to him with care and empathy?”
While we worked to unknot the many threads of emotions that were coming up within the pressure cooker of a caregiving situation, the unresolved anger was evident, simmering beneath every comment, observation and rant. Turns out, time does not heal all things.
As I have sat with the conversation, continuing to pray and process, I am reminded how anger eats at all of us. Whether we are quick to give into its righteous temptation, exploding with words we can’t reel back in or wounds that may take years to heal OR if we pour our energy into suppressing what we feel, denying our impulses and papering over our reactions, somehow we are the ones who pay the biggest price. What’s that quote about drinking poison and waiting for our enemy to die?
Anger and expectations go hand in hand for me as an Enneagram 1. A lot of my own work is to continue to pay attention to my feelings and impulses. Where is anger emerging? What does it reveal about my hopes and longings? Quieting the inner critic and harnessing the flashes of rage require attentiveness and compassion. Trusting and responding to my body’s messages of distress and dis-ease with gentleness and curiosity softens my responses, grounds me in grace and allows me to be tender towards others.
Perhaps compassion is only accessible when we relinquish what we believe should be and open our hearts and minds to what could be. The spiritual discipline of being with what is, as is, forces me to re-evaluate my expectations, taking on the posture of hope, considering what could yet be.
Consider:
In what part of your life is anger stirring? What message might it be giving you?
What would it look like to extend compassion to yourself today?
In what situation do you struggle to hold on to hope? Within that, what positive outcome might you envision that could yet be?
A Blessing for Compassion
When the missiles fly
And someone holds her friend’s hand as she breathes her last
When you are weary of the weight of the world
And joy feels like nothing more than a distant memory
And you feel heartbroken
May you hold onto the hope of dawn
When the storm gathers strength
And the test results are terminal
When you long for rightness and righteousness
And it seems the evil will prevail
And you seethe with anger
May you hold onto the hope of dawn
When the baby cries yet again
And the piles of laundry and dishes are high
When your words of prophecy fall on deaf ears
And you are maligned for doing good
And you are numb
May you hold onto the hope of dawn
Because the dawn will break upon us
And light will shine on the shadows
And we will be led in the way of peace.
Amen.
It is a heavy time for many of us. If you or someone you know would value a safe space to process, you can schedule a soul care conversation.
Thanks for your wonderful words, Sher!! Blessings!